He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
