she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I can't turn off my feet"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
