you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
