and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
