I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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