I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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