Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
