Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
