Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
