I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
