I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
bring money and cleavage
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Randomize
