Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
