The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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