when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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