woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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