I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
