We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
