There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
