I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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