It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
