dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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