Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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