honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
