Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
