So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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