VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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