i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
