What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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