if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
