wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
