I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
