Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
