Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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