Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
