my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
