I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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