fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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