Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize