every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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