Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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