if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
