I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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