ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
