I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
