Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
