it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
