I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
