im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
