please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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