are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
