also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
