Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
