Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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