Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
