Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
