Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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