If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
