Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we made out on top of his cat.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
