I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
