i think my tv is drunk
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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