Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
