Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
