If that was your dad, he is hot
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
