u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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