we're chasing vodka with high fives
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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