oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
