Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
