WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
