i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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