dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize