why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
