Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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