shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Drunk is not a location!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
