Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
