just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
