Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
