he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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