i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
