he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
