you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
